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Some winter days like to keep you guessing. Today, for example, the sky was as blue as a piece of air mail stationery. The only problem was the air was so cold that when you blinked, your eyes stayed shut.

1/11/2012

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Why are so many people so interested in vampires? I think they suck.

1/11/2012

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I wanted to be a comedian who performed on stage, but I was way too lazy. I decided to be a lie-down comic instead.

1/11/2012

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Koreans have an even more transparently sensitive attitude towards nature and animals than we westerners do. For example, the Korean word for "fish" means "water meat," while the one for "cow" is "land meat." (No joke.)

1/11/2012

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Although it's absolutely immoral, sadistic, and cruel, I still eat meat and confess that I enjoy the taste. I especially savor the yummy mercury that comes in a can of albacore tuna. Makes me feel like a kid again.

1/11/2012

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There's nothing more relaxing than going fishing, unless you're a fish. Then it's not much fun, especially the part about having your lips ripped open by multiple hooks.

1/11/2012

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You know what would have been a low blow? Putting Pandora's box inside the Trojan horse. Then again, I guess you should never look a gift box in the mouse.

1/11/2012

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I once met Don Rickles while I was gambling in Vegas. When I asked him for his autograph, he called me a hockey puck, which was a real slap in the face.

1/11/2012

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When I was a kid, I was on my high school varsity basketball team. Okay, just so there's no confusion about the position I played--I was the basketball.

1/11/2012

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Compared to American cops, the police in Korea are downright docile. I was a bit alarmed, however, by the sight of a woman working at the post office with a gun. "Incorrect postage? Die, swine!"

1/11/2012

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    I teach English in South Korea, the greatest country in the world, just south of the worst country in the world.

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