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One irksome thing about living in a bustling Asian metropolis is that a lot of macho, middle-aged Korean men, along with fey, metrosexual, young Korean males, smoke while walking in front of you. I hate them.

11/30/2011

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Have you heard that eating sugar can cause depression? Isn't that sweet?

11/30/2011

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I spent my last vacation in a solar-powered tanning booth. My grandfather used to threaten to tan my hide. Now he doesn't have to!

11/30/2011

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The song "We are the World" says, "We are the ones to make a brighter day, so let's start living." I don't know about you, but I started living the day I was born, which was yesterday.

11/30/2011

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Did you know that Stalin and Hitler envied each other? As Rodney King said, "Can't we all just get along?"

11/30/2011

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If Mr. Rogers and Leo Buscaglia had had a wrestling match, who would have won?

11/30/2011

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According to "Jesus Christ Superstar," when J. C.'s up on the cross, he says, "I'm thirsty." Buddha said, "You're suffering from 'tanha,' the Pali word for 'thirst,' which is an insatiable craving. You'll get over it, kid."

11/30/2011

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Gee, isn't it swell how much coal they're burning in China, and how many nuclear plants are coming on line in the U.S.? Now we just have to build a gas mask big enough to cover the face of the earth.

11/30/2011

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I'm confused about the Holy Trinity. Are God and Jesus roommates? Do they get along? Is the Holy Ghost male or female? Do she and God get it on? Can he still get it up? Is Jesus still a virgin?

11/30/2011

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For every child who doesn't let go of the balloon he's holding to protect some distant sea turtle from choking to death, there's a stadium full of yahoos letting them all go at once. Good luck, sea turtles.

11/30/2011

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    I teach English in South Korea, the greatest country in the world, just south of the worst country in the world.

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