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Hello from Tom

1/19/2012

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hi there.  sorry i've been out of touch lately.  just chillin', dude.  i shall return.  have you ever read bob stevenson's "the strange case of dr. jekyll and mr. hyde"?  if not, please do.  it's ossum.  my dead ex-manager wants me to be his facebook friend.  how weird is that?  so i guess that means they must have facebook either in heaven or hell, wherever he ended up.  i wonder if heaven is full of skeletons.  that would be noisy, especially if they played tackle football.  they could use some even deader dude's skull as the football.  "hey, man, whose head is this?"  "wait a minute--you can't use that!  that's god's skull!"  "don't you mean God?" "yeah, of course."  "well, then why didn't you capitalize his name?" "i did."  "no, you didn't.  it's written with a lower case "G" in the blog post." "Gee, I hadn't realized that."  "whoever has to deliver the kick-off's going to break his toes." 

excuse me for reverting to my old, bad habit of not capitalizing when i write, something i usually reserve for emails.  you may be wondering what happened to the home page.  let's just say it's in carbon freeze, just like han solo, whose chill-box doubles as a tanning booth.  gotta keep tan, man.  it's an order from the big guy in the sky at the top of the page.  the one whose face you never see, it's so doggone big.

anywaze, i just stopped by to say hello after an epic feast at an american pizza chain.  soojin (wifey) has bought me new glasses, which i get to pick up tomorrow.  we were going to get one pair, but the optometrist said my lenses were too thick.  on a sunny day, i can use them to commit arson.  it's lucky i haven't fried my eyeballs yet like a pair of eggs.

have you heard about louis ck's two-hour set that's available for 5 bucks on the internet?  i'd like to check it out, even though i've never purchased anything on-line before.  hmmm, seems a little risky.

that blackout yesterday was cool.  great idea.  i can understand the need to protect "content providers'" copyrights, but freedom of speech is paramount (pictures--that's a product plug for my bro).  

sorry this post isn't as funny as the stuff i usually post on "the cowering inferno," but i'm suffering from "s. a. d." these days.  life feels like hell half the time, but the rest of the time it's not bad.

your homework:  read that bobby stevenson book.  it's worth the two bucks you'll have to pay for it.

by the way, you can buy a pair of glasses in korea for under sixty bucks.  how's that for a fine how do you do?  

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I just read a headline that I thought said: "Did Romney Give Millions Worth of Bain Stock to LSD Church?" What kind of constituency is he aiming for? (Note: LDS = Latter-Day Saints.)

1/18/2012

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Did you know that Roald Dahl's wife's name was Barb E. Dahl? He loved her for her money. That's how she got Roald.

1/11/2012

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As an American, I can't remember the exact moment the two major political parties morphed (for the most part) into one. But at least I still have the right to vote for an even more bloated military-banking complex.

1/11/2012

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Wouldn't it be funny if we were visited by aliens who considered Barbara Bush the epitome of female beauty? We could say, "Great--just what we need--more Republicans."

1/11/2012

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In her song "Evergreen," Barbra Streisand says that love is as "soft as an easy chair." But what if sitting in overly comfortable furniture gives you lumbago? Do you think Barbra even thought of that?

1/11/2012

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Did you know that Elvis warned Nixon that Tom Smothers was a subversive who couldn't be trusted? Maybe instead of the King of Rock and Roll, Elvis' nickname should be the Sequined, Ass-Kissing Snitch.

1/11/2012

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If Superman went on a year-long eating binge, then went skydiving without a parachute, I wonder if the impact of his body hitting the ground would cause an earthquake.

1/11/2012

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There is nothing more important in the world than being cool. That's why if you're in public and you sneeze and a big slug of snot flies onto your collar, you should say it's just part of the design.

1/11/2012

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A lot of people worry that we're all doomed due to the effects of global warming and climate change. If so many of us are so worried, why do we keep making matters worse? We sure are a wacky species, huh?

1/11/2012

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    I teach English in South Korea, the greatest country in the world, just south of the worst country in the world.

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